


And I'll Save You Right Back

by givemesumaurgravy



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bipolar!Even, Fluff, Kissing, M/M, Mental Illness, Mentions of Suicide, mentions of self harm, post episode 8, soft boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-05
Updated: 2016-12-05
Packaged: 2018-09-06 15:12:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8757574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/givemesumaurgravy/pseuds/givemesumaurgravy
Summary: “A depressive episode commonly follows an episode of mania.”

Isak does some research and then goes to see Even.





	

_“A depressive episode commonly follows an episode of mania.”_

~*~*~

“It’s going to be okay, Isak, even if it doesn’t feel like it now. I’m here if you want to talk.”

Isak had brushed Eskild off, even though he knows he means well. 

And it’s not that he doesn’t _want to talk,_ he does, actually. It’s just…he’s not really sure how to make all the jumbled thoughts in his head come out in sentences that will make sense. 

He also can’t stop reliving the terrible sinking feeling he felt wandering around the city with a bundle of Even’s clothes panicked and searching for him. He feels like he’s going to start crying again at any given second.

It doesn’t help that Even’s texting him, although it’s just a bombardment of Nas lyrics. Isak tries to ignore it, but finally he knows he has to say something before he snaps and says something truly awful.

**Hi, Even. Nothing makes sense right now. Please stop texting me.**

He sets his phone down after that, turning off the ringer and pulling the covers over his head, his computer sliding off the bed and onto the floor. 

~*~*~

It takes all of Saturday and Sunday researching before Isak feels like he finally understands something about Even and what he could be going through. He’s worried, he was never _not_ worried, but now, now he feels like he can understand what’s going on a bit better. 

Although hearing all of this from Even would have been better. 

Isak feels incredibly guilty about his text now, seeing that it comes off as a total brush off the Even, closing him off and cutting him out of his life. 

Isak never wanted that, never wants to be done with Even. 

He decides that it’s time, knowing that Even has to be hurting now, probably a lot more than Isak is, and he knows what he has to do.

That, and not seeing Even at school on Monday makes Isak panic. 

Isak sort of remembers where Even lives, but he gets lost a little on the way there. 

When he finally manages to find Even’s flat, he almost chickens out with his fist raised to the door. He knocks though, heart in his throat and chills running through him at the thought of seeing his beautiful boy again. 

But no one answers. Isak tries knocking again, but with the same result. He waits for a moment, but then reasons if he’s traveled all the way here he can’t just take no for an answer. 

So he tests the doorknob, and sure enough, it gives. 

Isak freezes, door open just a crack and then calls out, “Hallo? Even?”

No answer.

Isak pushes the door open more and takes a step inside, calling out again, “Even? It’s Isak.”

No answer.

Isak closes the door behind him and makes his way through the flat, noticing that it’s in quite a disarray, like someone hasn’t managed to clean up in a few days. 

Isak walks to Even’s room to find the door shut. He takes a deep breath and knocks. He waits a moment, but when no answer comes, he slowly opens the door. 

Immediately, Isak is hit with the familiar smells of Even – his shampoo, his deodorant, and a hint of weed. It’s a bit overpowering, smelling it again after cutting it cold turkey for two days, and Isak pauses for a moment before looking around Even’s room.

The sound of someone shifting on the bed makes Isak jump and then he’s looking up and spotting Even curled under the covers. 

Isak closes the door and drops his backpack against the wall before toeing off his shoes and making his way over to Even. Isak climbs up the ladder to Even’s lofted bed and without a single hesitation, slips onto the mattress next to Even, wrapping him in his arms protectively. 

“What are you doing here?” Even says, and the quiet shock in his voice breaks Isak’s heart. 

“I’m just…I’m just here. I’m here for you, whatever you need,” Isak answers, pressing a kiss to Even’s forehead. 

“I’m so sorry,” Even says, voice still barely a whisper, his eyes closing as tears form in the corners of his eyes. “I…I can’t believe I let this happen I…”

“Shh,” Isak soothes, hands petting down Even’s back. “You don’t have to apologize. I understand. I’m not mad at you.”

Even perks up at that, tilting his head to look at Isak clearly, tears still wetting his eyes. “How can you..?”

Isak shrugs, cutting Even off. “Simple. You saved me, now I get to save you right back.”

Even breaks at that, head falling to Isak’s chest, body shivering with silent cries. Isak just holds him, hands rubbing up and down Even’s shaking back, squeezing him and holding him close. 

“I’m here, I’m here,” Isak whispers, and his words seem to calm Even in a way. 

They stay like that until Even settles, his breathing evening out, but his eyes are still closed tight. Isak doesn’t let him go, and he closes his eyes, too, hoping Even will fall asleep and get to wake up with Isak here, knowing that everything’s going to be okay now, now that they are together again.

~*~*~

When Isak wakes up, the room is dark and Even’s still pressed up against him, body warm and soft. Isak pets his hand over Even’s hooded head, and Even stirs, eyes blinking open.

“You’re here,” Even whispers, smile finally gracing his lips.

“I am,” Isak says. “When was the last time you’ve eaten?”

Even shrugs, eyes closing again and fingers curling in the front of Isak’s sweatshirt. 

“Even, food is good. You probably need to eat something,” Isak says softly and a crease forms between Even’s eyebrows, making Isak frown. “I’m going to make something, yeah?”

For a second, Isak thinks Even’s fallen asleep again, but then he nods softly and lessens his grip on Isak’s sweatshirt. Isak presses a lingering kiss to Even’s temple, then scoots towards the ladder and eases himself down. 

Once he’s in the kitchen, he takes a few moments to think of what to eat, seeing as there’s not much to work with. He finally decides on cheese toast. 

When he’s finished, he hurries to bring it back to Even, clamoring back into Even’s bed to find him sitting up a bit. Even smiles shyly when he sees Isak and fluffs the blankets around him.

Isak settles next to Even and hands him a plate. Even takes it and smiles in recognition.

“No cardamom?” Even says, poking at the toast.

Isak smiles and shifts so he can reach into his pocket, pulling out a small container and tossing it to Even. 

“Perfect,” Even says, setting his plate on his lap and unscrewing the container and dashing some on his toast. 

Isak watches Even take a bite, and he nods his head as he chews. 

“Delicious,” Even says, smiling at Isak, and the smile is finally reaching his eyes. 

Isak can hear Even’s stomach grumbling now that he’s finally getting food in him, and it makes his heart ache to think Even probably hasn’t eaten anything since their room service in the hotel.

“Would you like anything else? I can run out and get something more substantial…” Isak starts to say, but Even shushes him.

“I’m fine, Isak,” Even says, taking another large bite. “This is perfect.”

Isak begins to eat his own toast, still keeping a watchful eye on Even as he eats. Even finishes his toast and leans over Isak to set his plate on the small table attached to his bed. Even then settles back against his pillows, shifting around until he’s comfortable. 

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Even says, staring ahead of him at the wall. 

“Hey,” Isak says, setting his now empty plate with Even’s and adjusting so he’s completely facing Even from chest to head, hand reaching for Even’s shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. I know now.”

Even turns to look at him, eyes red and expression on the edge of tormented. 

“I’m sorry for what I said in the locker room. I…it wasn’t fair for me to say that. If I had known…” Isak says and Even curls more into himself. “You’re not my mom.”

Even stiffens at that and looks up at Isak. “I know but it’s still a…a hassle…a burden—“

“Hey, listen to me,” Isak says, reaching for Even’s cheek and then sliding his hand gently to the side of Even’s neck, caressing his skin. “I don’t want you to ever think that I don’t want you, that I don’t think you’re worth everything. I meant it when I said that I’ve never felt anything like this before. I’m not going anywhere.”

Even’s nostrils flare like he’s trying to stop himself from crying, then he’s falling forward into Isak, arms wrapping around him tightly. Isak squeezes him back, tucking his face into Even’s shoulder. 

“I’m sorry,” Even says again and Isak rubs his back.

“Stop apologizing,” Isak says as they break apart. “It’s going to be okay.”

“I want to explain, if that’s okay,” Even says, wiping his nose with the back of his hand and Isak nods for him to continue, not allowing himself to stop touching Even in someway. “I’m bipolar, which I’m guessing Sonja told you already. I was diagnosed last year after…after I tried to kill myself.”

Isak freezes, blood turning to ice. Even looks down and begins to pull on his sleeve until its bunched at his elbow. 

“You can’t really even see it anymore, since I freaked out before I really cut too deep, but…yeah,” Even says and presents his left wrist to Isak where, sure enough, Isak can make out a thin, faint scar. 

“Even,” Isak breathes, palms prickling with sweat. 

Even pulls his arm back and jerks his sleeve down. “It was scary. I felt like no one understood me, not even Sonja. My mom found me and took me to the hospital where, after a while, they diagnosed me and got me on medication that has helped with the… _episodes.”_

Isak is still in shock that his Even, his _beautiful Even,_ wanted to die not even a year ago. He feels like he might throw up.

“I…the reason Friday happened was because I went off my meds. I…I stopped taking them after I saw you in the cafeteria that one day? When you looked so…tired? I told myself that even though I removed myself from your life because I didn’t want to burden your life with all of this, maybe if I proved to myself I wasn’t sick anymore by going off my meds, it would be okay to be with you again,” Even explains, unable to look at Isak anymore.

Isak can’t speak, can’t think. His mind is spinning and he just wants to hold Even. He can’t believe that this boy had it in his head that Isak wouldn’t want him like this, that he would think he was just a _burden._

“Sonja was…Sonja was good for me, at least for the most part. She was good at taking care of me, but then she started getting too controlling. I don’t think she ever really understood it. I don’t think she cared to. She liked being able to run my life and be in control of everything. Anytime I did something a little…out of the box, she said it was ‘just the sickness talking’. I could never really be myself around her anymore out of fear that she would just think it was me having another episode,” Even says and Isak looks down, images flooding his mind of Sonja telling him that _he_ was just one of Even’s current ‘sick ideas’.

“She…she may have mentioned something about that to me,” Isak says and Even’s head snaps up.

“What did she say?” Even asks, eyes suddenly bright with anger.

“Just that…you have things that seem like a good idea to you, but it’s just your mania,” Isak says, avoiding telling Even exactly what she said, but he can’t bare to look him in the eye. 

“That’s not all of it, is it,” Even says, able to see right through Isak.

Isak takes a deep breath and then looks up at Even. “She said that you couldn’t love me. That I was just a sick idea that you have right now.”

If Isak thought Even looked broken before, that’s nothing compared to the look on his face right now.

Even fish mouths a few times, then he’s taking Isak’s face in his hands and pressing their foreheads together, eyes closing and he’s breathing deeply. 

“She has no idea what I feel for you,” Even says, eyes opening as he pulls back a little so he can brush his nose against Isak’s and then they’re making eye contact. “You were never and could never be a result of my illness. What I feel for you is real.”

Isak nods and then he leans in and kisses Even for the first time since all of this went to hell. Even responds immediately, pressing back eagerly and leaning his body into it. It’s chaste, but lingers for a moment before they both pull back.

“I want you to know that I’m crazy about you, Isak, and whatever happens, I need you to understand that,” Even says.

“I like you so much,” Isak replies. “I don’t want you to have any doubts about how I feel, either.”

Even smiles and kisses Isak again.

“I’m sorry about the text,” Isak says, blushing. “I just…I was very overwhelmed after everything and I just needed some time to come to terms with it. I actually spent all weekend researching.” 

“Oh?” Even asks, amused look on his face.

“Yeah. I learned a lot actually and I want to continue to learn about how I can help you. I want this to work,” Isak says, smiling at Even and reaching up to play with his hair.

“Me, too,” Even says and after a few moments of them grinning stupidly at each other he adds. “Bed now?”

Isak nods and they settle under the covers together, Even resting his head on Isak’s chest. They lay in peaceful quiet for a while, breaths and heartbeats syncing.

“I’ll save you right back,” Isak whispers to Even before they fall asleep, Even’s only response is a soft hum and a squeeze of his fingertips into Isak’s hip. 

That’s all the answer Isak needed.

**Author's Note:**

> I can't with this show. Why you gotta do me like this.  
> It's so good though and I love these two beans so much.  
> Please comment if the spirit moves you


End file.
